Lesson 3

What Forgiveness Looks Like

Philemon 8-18

Forgiveness is the theme of Paul's letter to Philemon. Strangely, the word itself does not appear in the book. Philemon is not a doctrinal letter and so there is no theological foundation being laid in this epistle. Paul's appeal is not to law or to doctrine but to love, v. 9. Paul knew Philemon to be a godly, spiritually mature man whose heart was right with God.

In verse 8, Paul says that he could appeal to Philemon on a doctrinal level - "Although I could command you, boldly as a Christian to do that which is proper" he chooses not to. How could Paul have done this? What is the theological, doctrinal basis of forgiveness?

1. The sixth commandment (Exodus 20:13) does not merely forbid murder but also according to Jesus forbids anger, malice, hatred, vengeance and lack of forgiveness (see Matthew 5:21-22).

2. Whoever offends us gives greater offense to God. All sin is ultimately against God. David's adultery was against her and her family but ultimately against God. Psalm 51:4 "Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight."

3. Christians who fail to forgive others will not enjoy forgiveness from God. Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

   Failing to forgive others hinders our fellowship with God and puts us in danger of His chastening.

   Believers who refuse to forgive forfeit fellowship with other saints. In the parable of Jesus in Matthew 18, the unforgiving man was reported to the lord by other people.

4. When we refuse to forgive and seek our own form of revenge, we usurp the authority of God. Romans 12:14, 19 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. If we fail to forgive, it's as though we are taking the sword of judgment out of God's hand and wield it ourselves. God is far more able to deal with offenses against us than we are. He is always righteous which means that the punishment will be fair and impartial, wise and good. We, on the other hand, may be blinded by anger and our purposes may be evil. We must leave vengeance to God.

5. unforgiving spirit makes believers incapable of proper worship. Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

6. Our response to an offense make it either a trial or a temptation. If I respond properly to an offense, then it becomes a trial which will produce growth and strength. If I respond improperly, the offense becomes a temptation through which I sin.

7. Forgiveness should be given even it is not sought. "Father, forgive them." Stephen asked the Lord to forgive those who were murdering him.

8. Command to love our neighbor is connected to not holding grudge nor avenging. Leviticus 19:18 "Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

Here are nine theological reasons for being forgiving. But even though Paul could have come to Philemon on this level, he chose a more personal approach (v. 9) "for love's sake" as "Paul the aged and Paul the prisoner of Jesus Christ."

In verses 10-18, Paul describes three actions which one who forgives must take. These actions show us just what forgiveness looks like.

Reception, vs. 10-14.

Reception is the first step in the process of forgiveness. Reception means opening up one's life and taking back the person who offended. Why should Philemon take Onesimus back?

First, because he was genuinely repentant. The very fact that Onesimus was standing there as Philemon read the letter proved his repentant attitude. He returned to face the master he had wronged and who the power to punish him severely. He had gotten saved. The former fugitive is now Paul's son, like Timothy, like Titus, like Philemon himself, begotten in his bonds.

Second, because he was transformed. Philemon was not getting back the same man he had lost. He was formerly unprofitable. Now, he is profitable. There is a play on his name being used by Paul here.

Third, Onesimus was proven faithful. So helpful had Onesimus become to Paul that the apostle would have preferred to retain him. He was ministering to Paul in prison. But Paul would not do this presumptuously. Paul wanted Philemon to observe the transformation and value of Onesimus first hand.

What does forgiveness look like? What action does one who forgives take? First, where there is clear evidence of repentance, a transformed life and proof of faithfulness, we must be receptive.

Restoration, vs. 15-16.

Paul asks Philemon not only to welcome Onesimus back but to restore him to service. While not intending to mitigate the guilt of Onesimus, Paul suggests that God's providence was at work, v. 15. God is able to use evil to produce good, see Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28.

In verse 16, Paul is not calling for Onesimus' emancipation (see I Corinthians 7:20-22), he says that Onesimus may provide more than physical service to Philemon. He can also provide spiritual service (worship; fellowship; ministry) and partnership as a brother in Christ.

Forgiveness receives and goes another step- it also restores.

Restitution, vs. 17-18.

Philemon had been wronged by Onesimus' flight. He may have had to purchase a replacement. Further, it is likely that Onesimus took money or possessions from Philemon to finance his escape. The Bible teaches clearly that restitution needs to be made in such cases, see Numbers 5:6-8.

Restitution is an essential component of forgiveness. Philemon should have expected it. Paul was willing to make it on Onesimus' behalf. However, Philemon also had the opportunity to be gracious. It would be a wonderful, loving, gracious act on Philemon's to forgive the debt altogether. Paul did not presume such a thing and puts no compulsion of Philemon.

Paul's willingness to meet Onesimus's debt to restore his relationship with Philemon is a marvelous picture of Christ's work. He, like Christ, was willing to pay the price of reconciliation.

Never are we more like God than we forgive. Never are we more like Christ than when we pay someone else's debt so that reconciliation can take place.

Forgiveness receives, restores and graciously does not demand restitution. May we demonstrate forgiveness one to another.